Here’s an update that’s not linked to appointments or test results but still related to cancer. It’s about change, not a huge fanfare-filled kind of change, but something quieter. It’s snuck up on me without my noticing!
This: I’m no longer numb about having lung cancer. I’m busy living and mostly happy (I mean, nobody can have everything, right?). Oh, and I happen to have a chronic disease.
Then I realized my blog had the hangdog look of someone living out extended trauma.
Yes, yes, I know– there were a lot of months, especially the fall of 2021, when that was true. But now is not that time. Now is a time of fullness and possibility. (Hello, gratitude.)
So, if you’re reading on the actual website, you might see that the Home and About pages are new. (If you’re new to the blog, welcome– the Home and About pages are new!) If you read via email or RSS feeder, I invite you to swing by the site and see what’s different.
Change On Other Fronts
Bicycling on roads outside has come to a close. The rains have started here in the Pacific Northwest. Plus, my lungs get rebellious whenever the temperatures drop much below 65 and we seem to be consistently in the 50s these days.
I did not make it to Multnomah Falls. That was my Big Goal from last January through the spring and summer. I got my road distance up to about 40 miles and could ride up the backside of our city’s dormant volcano, but that wasn’t enough to prepare me for 75 miles with major hills. However, I think what I managed to do is awesome. I’m really proud of myself.
Here’s what I learned.
- I was sicker than I thought last year.
- I was way sicker than I thought last year.
- It was better that I didn’t realize it. (Well, actually, I refused to accept it.) (Probably a bad idea, now that I think about it.) (But maybe not– exercise is so important to my overall well-being….)
- Huh. The side effects of treatment were more debilitating than the treatment itself. Huh.
- Riding to the Falls can be my goal for next summer!
- I learned what I need to work on: increasing my capacity to breathe under sustained BIG demand. I think it’s possible, but Dr. Radiology commented that I would notice it because of the scarring. Hmmm. Note to self: let it be OK if ultimately this isn’t possible.
- P.S. to self: Panic and fear are just as challenging to work through as physical issues.
- P.P.S. Panic and fear are just as valid to work through. (Just not in our go-go-go-climb-that-ladder world, which has little room for those with lung cancer or other physical differences.)
Tell me this isn’t what regular people go through? (OK, maybe not the panic-when-breathing-feels-hard thing…) (Except asthma, COPD, other Evil Lung Thing.) But goals and hopes vs. challenges (obstacles)? That’s everybody.
Affirmations, etc.!
First, on Saturday, the Portland Thorns, the city’s professional women’s soccer team won the championship of the NWSL– National Women’s Soccer League. This is one of the small shining moments of daily living. <happy sigh>
And, here’s a little story about affirmations that I forgot to share. A couple of years ago, I was reviewing information about best practices for creating online passwords. Some suggestions related to creating easy-to-remember passwords. One man offered his method. He said he had recently gotten divorced and had bad feelings about his former wife. He wanted to get over that, but was having a hard time. So he created a password on one of his most commonly used accounts, a password like xxxx is a good person or I forgive xxxx. Over time, after entering the password day in and day out, guess what happened?
Here’s hoping you’re creating passwords that are meaningful and secure, as well as looking forward to new possibilities as the seasons begin to change.
