Lung Cancer Training Program | Apr 29 2022

Friday, April 29, 2022

I. True Confessions

After I wrote a lovely (in my opinion) post sort of extolling the benefits of meditation in establishing one’s inner self as a new normal (as if “new normal” could be a place), I promptly didn’t meditate for three days. <sigh>

II. On the Road

For the first time in two years, I rode my beautiful road bike. The hour-long ride was heaven. Let me tell you, though, it was also one humbling experience. I simply could not get my breath and my legs to work together.

A million thoughts ran through my mind: You’ll never be able to __________[ride to Multnomah Falls, do any long rides, be a bicyclist again, etc.] You’re never going to be as strong as you used to be. You can’t do it. With that cacophony as a backdrop, my right lung reminded me that it was and will likely continue to be stiff. The radiation burned it. The tumor may be gone, but it’s left a scar. There’s also probably some residual ground glass clogging things up.

Plus. My quads threatened to go on strike. My hamstrings gave up trying to be polite and just screamed. But that lung….It remembered what it was supposed to do; it was trying hard. I knew from the bike in the basement that I could ride the small hills we encountered. I knew I had enough breath. But what you know in your logical brain is not always what drives you.  In short, I panicked. Quietly, privately. Because damned if I was, am, going to be a weakling. Ride your own ride, I kept telling myself. Ride your own ride. I shifted to way easier gears. I slowed down. I waited for my breath to catch up.

We stopped for coffee and when we started again, I was faster, more confident. My conclusion: I probably need to warm up for a good twenty minutes before we go out for a ride– sort of a ride before a ride. I need to up my lower body strength training. I need to get on the road and put in seat time. Once the weather warms up, I will. Meanwhile, I am tweaking my basement bike workouts.

Because I am damned if I am going to give up.

III. The World’s Shortest Checkup

I saw Dr. Oncology Monday (4/25/2022) for bloodwork to make sure the osimertinib wasn’t dissolving my liver. I reported no side effects and received instruction about what to do if the famous rash shows up. I was reminded again not to expect that I will do everything I did BC (Before Cancer). I smiled and comforted myself with the thought of Dr. Lungs saying, I think [riding to Multnomah Falls] is a great goal. All in all, it was a pretty jolly meeting. And, I don’t go back for a whole month! I’m so looking forward to a break from coping.

IV. Cake! Cake! Cake!

Learning continues. The most recent cake (above) had three kinds of frosting: a filling, a crumb coat, a Swiss meringue buttercream as the overall frosting. The filling was vaguely reminiscent of Devil Dogs. Sandwiching a thick layer of strawberries,  it was just one element that promised this would be quite a cake event.

The cake was for two young women, 19 and 22, who live in a community project for kids who have aged out of the foster care system. They are there to learn how to live on their own, be gainfully occupied with their time, and be contributing members to their community. There’s a pretty good chance these kids have never had a birthday cake.

I learned that at a Sprinkler Appreciation Day event last Saturday. That’s what the volunteer bakers of For Goodness Cakes are: Sprinklers. The whole organization may be very hokey, but it also the purest, most relentlessly positive charity I’ve encountered. No matter how crappy looking your cake is, it is celebrated.

One of the segments of the Appreciation Day was an interview with a staff member of a foster care/adoption organization who’s been involved with For Goodness Cakes for years. Things can get pretty intense during a workday, she said. But any time a cake arrives, an announcement goes out and the entry is flooded with employees. She said there have been such hard days that a cake has buoyed the whole staff.

The caseworker who requested my cake wrote that she hoped the young people’s names could be on the cake, and that there would be strawberries in the filling. Can you imagine that those simple, small things could be a hope, not even a request?

Thanks for reading. I hope you have a cake with your name on it in the near future. And, if you like, strawberries.

Images:

• Bike racers by Pierre-André Doriot
• Cyclist by Brent Olson
• Medical office by fernando zhiminaicela
• Strawberry by Romanov