June 14, 2021
I don’t know how to have cancer. Maybe I should say, I don’t know how to have cancer and live my life. It feels like so much is coming at me: I’m in a meteor field and dodging every day.
Working last week brought it home. I had to muscle through significant fatigue to handle a very tricky situation– the licensure of one of my student teachers depended on it– and even though I think I sounded, acted, and thought like myself, I was struggling to stay on top of the politics, personalities, and personal relationships with the people involved. Things worked out, thank goodness, but I was aware that I’ve probably dropped some balls this semester.
It seems there are random expectations floating around. Perhaps they always used to be there and I fielded them without thinking. Now they are part of the meteor field I seem to float in. I definitely don’t want to be the identified patient, but, truthfully, I don’t have the emotional or physical energy I used to. I also think I need more time to myself to get my bearings.
The immunology treatments seem to trigger fatigue beyond what the radiation did. The infusions happen on a Wednesday; last Thursday and Friday, you could have scraped me off the floor and carted me away in a wheelbarrow. I’ll watch and see if there’s a pattern.
Some of what I’m trying to figure out is dietary. The research I am paying attention to– including what the cancer center is telling me– indicates a Mediterranean is best– no red meat (or not much of it) is the big change. But also legumes, nuts, vegetables. Easy changes to make for myself, not so easy to make in a household with a big meat eater. The Mediterranean diet is also supposed to be the most effective cancer preventive. Here’s an image from the Mayo Clinic.
My dentist was telling me about a colleague who was diagnosed with lung cancer when she was 30. She sold her practice, completely changed her life. Now, 20 years later, she’s still alive, with no evidence of disease. Should she have sold her practice?
So here I am, adrift in a meteor field, while it looks like a regular life. I’m dropping balls, feeling overwhelmed, and trying to learn about the challenges of immunology.
How’s your day going?
Thanks for reading.
Asteroid image by Oleg Gamulinskiy from Pixabay
Thanks, Connie. Immunology— who knew?
Wow! I remember how tired I was after radiation. I never thought about fatigue and immunology treatments.
And I don't do well when I'm tired–I feel like I "should" be able to do whatever I want. Back to that wonderful Yiddish saying: Man plans, God laughs!
I like the Mediterranean diet-it's basically how I am eating now.
BTW, if it's any consolation, I think that the COVID pandemic has all of us dropping balls and feeling overwhelmed.
You were so kind to send me a condolence card with all that you have going on. I was very touched by that. Thanks.
Hang in there–we're all praying for you and with you.
Peace.