May 7, 2021
I.
It’s humbling to have no say over your body. To not be able to rally the mind and marshal some force into those muscles. That was yesterday, Thursday, and it’s possible it will be similar today, though perhaps not as intense.
I can’t describe it. I inhabit my body but don’t own it. It obeys few commands. It wants, demands to be supine. And, the mind, oddly flaccid, is amenable to whatever comes along, in the way a bloopy jellyfish is rolled around in the tide.
Today, I can register oh, sun– maybe I can be in the garden a little and the body is like a big floppy dog SureSureSureButNoNot Really. At least today my mind can form thoughts. But this weakness is so odd….
It’s the complete lack of red blood cells, I bet. And so, because we want Dr. Oncology to be willing to give me my final chemo on Monday, we’ve decided that dinners for the next three days will be comprised of red meat: burgers, steak, stew– anything to get some red blood cell percolation happening.
And, after today, only three more radiation treatments. Three!
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She said I was really healthy coming in to this and she anticipates nothing but really good results going forward.
However, she did warn that, in the same way that you come to the end of a long downhill run and keep heading down before you feel the upturn begin, I will come to the end of my treatment and will continue to feel worse for the following weeks. She will see me in about a month to follow up on all the potential badness radiation has to offer, and to see what the CAT scan shows. Hopefully by then, I will have started immunology treatments.
The red meat plan may well work, as long as I get vitamins B12 & B6, but she says not to worry if I can’t get the final chemo treatment, as a truly depleted system will suck up all the immunologic goodness and rocket me onto the right path.
It’s such a beautiful day; I’m imagining riding my bicycle. It won’t be long now….
Thanks for reading.
Doggo image by PublicDomainImages from Pixabay