February 16, 2021
Look. You cannot get on a stationary bike and ride hard without coughing or panting if you have lung cancer, right? Right?
Can you see my daughter’s side-eye? Because when I said that at her house this afternoon, she gave me A Look. “Uh, I don’t think so,” is what she said. “Really?” I asked. She shook her head from side to side. “No,” she said softly. “Sorry.”
Maybe it’s good the appointment got postponed. It gives me a little more of a chance to digest this? Maybe. I still prefer to imagine that I don’t have cancer and that this is some stupid weirdness that will go away. Except there’s those sorta-enlarged lymph nodes….
My daughter the cancer survivor has tons of experience with cancer support groups; she knows a lot. She thinks they may want to biopsy those first. Maybe chemo, or radiation first. Maybe a biopsy of the lung? She things there will be surgery, then chemo. Or chemo, surgery, then more chemo. It all depends on what they find.
Mostly it’s a waiting game.
Today, that’s a good thing. I’d rather believe I don’t have cancer, and with no evidence to the contrary, I will just go about my business.
I really don’t want to have cancer.
Really.
Photo by Brett Sayles from Pexels